Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Out of Control

After to me what seemed like a chaotic evening at church, I am really trying to let go of the control I think I have. I know that when I come home as tired and without joy as I am right now, that it's mainly because I try to take the reigns of things. I want to be able to lead my ministries by just being available and being there. I tend to have all of these unrealistic expectations and expect things of myself and others that God doesn't. My fight with God is for control, only there's no real fight because He's obviously the one in charge, not me.
I just long to just be there, and not to stress so much for it makes me so tired and I loose all the blessings.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Reading on the Potty

Today my little one was on the potty, pretend reading the book, A Birthday Cake for Little Bear, to his little sister. She was sitting up tall and quite still, seeming to be very interested in what her brother had to say.
It reminded me of when I was little, and I used to, "pretend read," books to my cousins. They loved it and always asked me to "read" to them. I can't say I ever did it while going potty however. I think it brings new meaning to multi-tasking (smile).

"Come On, Everybody Else is Doing it."

What is it about people who are drinking alcohol, when they insist that everyone have a drink, even if not everyone wants one?
Yesterday, we went to a family BBQ for Memorial Day. The kids had a great time spending time with cousins, aunts, uncles, Grandma and Grandpa. The food was delicious; there was a little bit of everything it seemed (sort of like potluck style.)
The only thing was, it was like being in high school all over again when it came to not wanting a drink. Can I just say that this is a continuing, "issue," with family for me. I’m not really sure why, since alcohol is not a big deal to me, and I really don't care if people choose to drink. But, I can't say the same for those there who were drinking. It’s not the first time that this has happened, but it becomes such a big deal to some people who do drink for me to drink too.
This time it was even more ridiculous, when nobody even asked me if I wanted anything, and my sister-in-law and mother-in-law fixed one up for me in the kitchen and brought it to me without even asking. I didn't say anything out loud, but I did feel like they were making an awful big deal out of something that didn't need to be. So, I asked God to help me in this uncomfortable situation. Then something really funny happened, my little darling daughter pulled the tablecloth off the table, and "whoops," there went my drink. Nothing was really said, since they noticed that I hadn't drank any of it anyways, and it was just sitting there.
A bit later my sister-in-law asked me, "Why don't you drink?" My mother-in-law chimed in, "well, she used to, you should have seen her when we were at...(and on it went.)" And she was right, I did used to drink, but I don't want to anymore. I can relax and have a good time without it. I like the taste of wine, and my husband and I will have a glass of wine if it's just the two of us.
So I said, "You know, I don't have a problem with somebody drinking. The problem for us is when it comes to leadership, and trying to counsel families who falling apart because of problems with alcohol." I said, "I know its just family, but we live in a small community, and rumors get started, and on it goes." She actually seemed to understand this explanation pretty well. Maybe it's because although she didn't say, her husband is an alcoholic. He's almost lost his job and his family over it. That’s why I thought it was especially crazy that she was trying so hard to get me to have a drink when I didn't even want one.
Anyways, God worked it out, and I was ready to go home when it was time. This morning, thinking about everything, I still think the whole thing was pretty a scene right out of high school. It's interesting to me how people feel so uncomfortable drinking when other people aren't. That they try everything they can to get you to drink like them (especially the Pastor's wife.) Wouldn't it have made them feel so much better, if they could have gone to town the next day and told all their friends that the Pastor's wife was drinking!
I'm sitting here laughing, laughing because of how ridiculous it is, and how immature adults can be!

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Good Quote

My husband brought me home a knick-knack from the gift shop. It's a little orange colored, construction looking cone, and it says...
"All mothers are working mothers."
I think it's great, and I have it on display in my kitchen now!

Sunday, May 20, 2007


I was just doing some reading on daycares recently. One of the reasons being that I am constantly faced with people questioning the job legitimacy of being a SAHM. My childhood was unique in that I spent time away from my mom in a combination of ways.
I was partly raised by one of my aunts with my other cousins. I have vivid memories of those days, and the only time I remember my aunts presence was when she would holler and yell at her boys when they were getting into trouble. In the morning before school, I'd spend about an hour alone, before anyone else got up, watching anything I wanted on TV. After school, we'd make prank phone calls, wreak havoc on the neighborhood, get into verbal fights with other kids, and spend time at other latch key kid's houses. There was usually no adult supervision, so we did whatever we wanted.
I was also partly raised in a couple actual daycares. This was even worse than being left with my aunt and cousins. I never got used to the ache, that no matter how many years I spent in daycare, never left my heart. It was an ache that desired and yearned so badly for my mom. Here I was left in the midst of aggressive, unruly kids (who had become this way from spending most or all of their lives in daycare), cold adults who didn't care that much about me, and certainly didn't love me, cheap as possible, unhealthy meals (so they could save as much money as possible), and a 15 child to 1 adult ratio.
I actually find it humorous (and sad) when I read the names of some of these daycares. "Little Blessings," "Grandma's Arms." Or the ones with an "educational emphasis." like the name, "Bright Horizons" or "Knowledge Learning Corporation." (any child can parrot their ABC's).
I can hardly imagine leaving my six week old baby in a daycare. Basically, it would be like leaving your baby with strangers. Not to mention these strangers are getting paid peanuts (did I mention the high turn over rate). And no, it's not one on one care either, try more like four babies to one adult. Then as babies become toddlers they get shuffled into groups with kids much older than themselves. The daycare worker doesn't have quality time to give to any one child, and toddlers basically end up getting raised by other kids! What kind of generation is being created!
Daycare is just not the best option for children. If it's a temporary, emergency type situation, then okay do what you have to do, but unfortunately for most kids this isn't the case. How can a mom spend nine months preparing to have, "the perfect baby," only to put her newborn into an institution! Really it's all about dollars. Dollars are more important than children in our world today. Women will spend all day away from their children at a job, only to give most of their paycheck to someone else to raise their children.
I am a SAHM because I am a product of daycare and I know it's absolutely not the best thing for children. No matter what, no one can give a child the love and care so desperately needed like his mother.

Homeschooling vs. Public School?

My husband and I are at a stage right now in our parenting where we are trying to decide what would be better for our family, public school or homeschool. Now we know we have time, our oldest is only a toddler. We are praying about what God would have us to do. I am also doing a lot of online reading on the subject.
I am such a novice on the subject, my husband, myself, and basically everyone we know was raised in public school. An example of where I'm at exactly is, I spent about an hour last night reading about the Charlotte Mason method. I am learning that there are so many different kinds of homeschool (I had no idea!). So, I would like to see if anyone out there has any web sights, etc. that might be helpful on the subject?

Nursery Miracle!

I made a Nursery Ministry sign up sheet to get some much needed help in our Nursery. (See previous "Nursery Blues" post). To give an idea, we have Nursery available, Sunday morning, Sunday evening, Wednesday evening, and every other Thursday afternoon. During each of these we have had one worker, and that would be this Pastor's wife.
I've heard that the Pastor's wife is the most unchurched person in the church. This certainly has been true in my case. It had been almost two years since I had attended a service and I could feel burnout coming. I wasn't sure how much longer I could endure.
So I did the only thing I could, and asked for help! So simple, so easy, so obvious...unfortunately, not for this CONTROL FREAK! When I got the sign up sheet back and I saw it filled up with signatures, I was thrilled and I was rebuked. Thrilled because we got enough signatures for a monthly rotation, plus one helper and one substitute! Do you know what else, my name isn't even on the rotation!
I was rebuked because I wonder how God can have so much patience with this child of His? All of my whining, crying and, "poor me," attitude. All of the blessings I missed out on because I thought I was in control. My hope lost, my vision cut off, because it became all about me. But my Lord is gracious to me, even when I forget about His plan and follow mine instead. So, go ahead and call me a, "control freak," please, I've certainly earned it!

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Our Small Town Community

Where roads are built along side of rivers. Houses and cars are few and far between. Any car that does pass, gives a wave to say, "hello." Some roads are still made of gravel. Trucks with four wheel drive are a necessity and not a fashion statement (smile). People anticipate and truly enjoy the harvest. At The Store, the cashiers happily hold and bounce your baby, and the bakery workers let your little ones pick out the cookie of their choice. All this, while you pick up some needed groceries and supplies. At The Restaurant, the waitresses not only know your kids, but they remember you when you were a kid, and they know your parents (and sometimes Grandparents, etc.) People have time to stop by and visit over coffee. Barns aren't built alone, but with many hands. Everybody loves and has a dog. Church dress for the men is usually hickory shirts and suspenders. Kids know how to play outside. At church, young and old fellowship together (they're not separated into a million different groups because of their ages). It's still okay not to have a cellphone. Anytime you see somebody blabbing away on one, rushing in and out, you know their from the, "city." The school is still K-12, and in the next town over, is a one room school house. There's a sense of community here, where people actually look at and greet each other, and they know you by name.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

TAG: Seven Things I've Learned

I got my first tag (thanks Accidental Pastor's Wife). I feel like I'm officially in the "blogging loop" now! I'm pretty sure I don't have seven other people to send this, to whoever reads this, I believe I'm supposed to list seven things I've learned.

1) I know enough to know that I don't really know anything.
2) True security can only be found in eternal investments. 1Ti 6:6-7 But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into [this] world, [and it is] certain we can carry nothing out.
3) I am depraved, and Christ had to die for my sins past, present and future.
4) Being a wife and mother are the most fulfilling roles a woman can have.
5) If I had to be a Pastor, I would probably have quit a long time ago.
6) To have grace with others, because God has so much grace with me
7) My babies think I'm the prettiest lady they've ever seen, even at 4am in the morning

Monday, May 14, 2007

My Mother's Day

My Mother's Day!

1) went to church, and worked in the Nursery Ministry. There was a new four year old child who had all three of the other little ones in tears...including me! Lord help us all!
2) had two older gentlemen in the church say, Happy Mother's Day! "Oh yeah," I thought, "it's Mother's Day."
3) left church as quickly as possible because of the previous Nursery drama (I was pooped!) actually does get better - read on...

4) put the kids down for their usual after church nap
5) went and took a long, hot shower, prayed and had a good cry (sometimes only God can understand)
6) crawled into bed and took a nice nap myself
7) woke up to sweet hubby, home and taking care of the munchkins
8) had myself lunch in bed with one of my favorite movies, The Quiet Man
9) had a nice long talk with hubby (I love quality time)
10) Grandpa B came to visit
11) My family took me out to chinese food (yum!)
12) My toddler, in his cute little voice, wished me a Happy Mother's Day...over and over at the dinner table!

...It turned out to be a wonderful Mother's Day after all!...

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Waiting on My Love

It's Saturday night. I'm up late, waiting for Pastor husband to return home, while he's away with the duties of the ministry (any Pastor's wife knows what I'm talking about). I came across Jeff Barker's play called "One Pastor's Wife's Saturday." You need to scroll down towards the bottom of his webpage. Warning! It will probably make you cry.

"A Little Christian Habit"

This was a part of my devotional reading this morning. I am really enjoying going through, My Upmost For HIs Highest by Oswald Chambers.
Having young children, this portion of what he had to say really made an impression. There have been times in my life when, without realizing it, I was, "worshiping the habit instead of what the habit symbolizes."
I used to religiously try to do my devotions at the same time every morning. It would always be that something would arise...a crying baby, a hungry, barking and meowing dog and cats, a phone call from someone looking for my Pastor husband, etc.
I tried ignoring all the interruptions. I tried "praying them away." I tried turning the fan on when it was right by my ear, to drown the world out, (However, this didn't settle very well with the Mommy side of me. I found my mind constantly wondering if I heard one of the kids needing me or calling me). So, I've had to make some changes. Now, I spend quiet time with God at my fist available moment of the day. Sometimes, it's in the morning, sometimes at night. Either way, it's not a religious ritual for me anymore, it's much more simple. I loose all the rules of what, when, where, why and how. Now, I enjoy a much better, more relaxed time with the Lord.

(A portion of today's devotional)

"For if these things are yours and abound, they make you to be not idle nor unfruitful." 2 Peter 1:8 (R.V.)

Your god may be your little Christian habit, the habit of prayer at stated times, or the habit of Bible reading. Watch how your Father will upset those times if you begin to worship your habit instead of what the habit symbolizes - I can't do that just now, I am praying; it is my hour with God. No, it is your hour with your habit. There is a quality that is lacking in you. Recognize the defect and then look for the opportunity of exercising yourself along the line of the quality to be added.

-Oswald Chambers

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Is it a Ministry When...

It's one of those times when I don't know why things happen the way they do. I can't see the full picture, and whatever God is doing is a mystery. I am without an explanation or an answer.
We had a special Ladies Luncheon this afternoon. I am the Nursery worker during our Ladies Group meetings. Today was no exception. I had been told by some other mom's, that they would be attending the Luncheon, and that they would be bringing their children to the nursery. So I was ready. Because the meeting was right in the middle of nap time, the kids took an early nap so that they wouldn't be cranky. I packed a lunch for them to eat away from home. I prepared the Nursery with snacks and supplies, and plans for fun.
But, no one came. We waited for a while, and after about 20 minutes, I was pretty sure that Nursery was just going to be me and my kids...and it was. For two hours, my kids had snacks and played alone.
This thought, that I know is not from God, kept creeping into my mind, "why are we even here? It would be so much easier if we were doing all this at home right now." I know the Lord wants me to be faithful, and a good example to my children. He never did say that it would be easy all the time. But, I came and went from Nursery today without really connecting to anyone else, having no fellowship, and I wasn't even able to be of service to anyone. I left church feeling like my time and my energy were a waste. Usually, I leave Nursery tired, but a good tired. I know that my ministry is valuable, and that it allows other moms to be fed spiritually. It's a good feeling, knowing that what I'm doing makes a difference.
On days like today however, I just don't get much satisfaction at all.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Naptime Milestone

I think I finally have the kids nap's timed so that everybody goes down at the same time! For the last week, they have been consistently sleeping at the same time! Now, in the middle of the day, after I put the kids down, I break a sweat to my workout video, spend quiet time with God, and then take a nap. I fee like I'm living the high life!
It's funny how the topic of conversation when you have kids often centers around whatever stage or milestone they happen to be at. Well, their nap schedule was one I have been asked about a lot. "Do they nap at the same time?" I always thought, well it's not such a bad thing that they don't, because then they get to be only children for a couple hours out of the day...Mom's undivided attention. So, I have to say, I will miss that,, but I'm also enjoying the benefits this brings too.

Sunday, May 6, 2007


I was thinking about freedom...

Freedom has been sought, fought for and died for. American's think they have freedom. Do they though? Even though we live in a wonderful free country, where we have rights to worship, it's not the definition of freedom that the Bible gives us.

1Cr 7:22 says:
For he that is called in the Lord, [being] a servant, is the Lord's freeman: likewise also he that is called, [being] free, is Christ's servant.

While at Bible College, during one chapel service, the comment was made that as people we are always servants to something, so let's make sure it's to the things of God.

...Imagine true freedom in servanthood to Christ...

The only freedom that brings us true peace, the only freedom that is everlasting, the only freedom that can't be taken away.

Friday, May 4, 2007

"It's Raining, It's Pouring"

Bizarre weather today. Rain or shine, I try to take the little ones outside each day. This lets my toddler, "blow off stink," (which he really needs, cause he's a stinker!), my baby get some fresh air, and my dog gets some much needed exercise, I just plain old love the outdoors, so it's good all around for me too.
Well, today while we were out, it not only rained, it poured! I'm pretty, "seasoned," when it comes to rainy days from growing up in the Northwest. Basically, you can't let rain stop you from the outdoors; otherwise you'd never go outside. But, I keep forgetting that we moved to the middle of a rain forest here. One minuet it's sunny, blue skies, the next it's that I'm not used to. So we braved it out for a quick 15-minuet walk, and by the time we got back home, we were so wet that all our clothes went straight into the dryer!
So our short venture outside was a bit of a disappointment, but the rest of the day made up for it. We did puzzles, sang songs, read books, talked about stuff, played with play dough, and I was able to make a nice dinner too (Chicken Divan!) Maybe, after a while, I'll get used to this crazy weather?

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

The Nursery Blues

I feel so overwhelmed. Teaching a children’s class at church, seems like it should be just that, but it’s not. Each week, I prepare my lesson and spend time praying for those in my class, and on Wednesday evenings I teach.
I laugh to myself as I think about the first class when I had my fussy baby on my hip and my toddler running around my feet as I tried to “teach” class. It was more like the kids in class watched me running around like a chicken with its head cut off. I tried to juggle both, but it was apparent that it wasn’t working very well. It was a transitional moment.
Before this, I had been the Nursery worker. Then God directed me to teaching a children’s class. It’s been providing other Nursery workers to take my place that has been so difficult. We managed to get three ladies to volunteer, and they were on a rotation. This lasted about a month, when because of one thing or another, we ended up with only one worker left. This person isn’t prepared to work in the Nursery every week, as she is still very young in the Lord, and needs a lot of care and attention.
So, it’s a fragile and exhausting situation, which resulted in me having to cancel today’s class. Which meant calling everyone in the class and explaining in a diplomatic way why were not having it. This is so hard for me to do when I am so burdened, I just wanted to say so much more. I kept hoping, during my phone conversations, that someone would volunteer to help, unfortunately, none did.
At this point, I am wondering what to do. I just don’t know where it all went wrong? I thought God wanted me to teach a children’s class. I’ve ended up however feeling quite overwhelmed at trying to organize a Nursery ministry and teach a children’s class. All it seems to have resulted in at this point is me providing a sort of daycare for infants through 8th grade on Wednesday nights. Whew!

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

"Tis a Gift to Be Simple"

10 Little Things We Do;
to try to be simple and frugal (in this material world)

(this was inspired by an article, The Pursuit of a Simpler Life at

1. I cook a lot of soups and stews. This allows for nutritious, one pot meals. Plus, I always make enough to last for a couple nights worth of dinners, or one dinner and a couple days worth of lunches...either way, there's more than just one meal's worth of food.
2. I "go to town" (yes, we live in the country) once a week. During this trip, all errands are done at once.
3. I grow some of the fruits, veggies and herbs that we eat.
4. "Play-dates" anyone? Who needs them when you and your kids are active in your church like we are!?
5. I don't wash our clothes just because they've been worn. Actually, I check to see if there dirty/smelly first. Lot's of times, we can wear things two or three times before they get washed (socks and underwear are excluded from this rule!)
6. Living in the parsonage. Yes, I realize this is hardly an option for most families, but it works great for us! No driving to and from church and it simplifies our finances.
7. We use cloth napkins.
8. I use cloth diapers on my kids till about 6 mos. old.
9. Clothes we buy are either on sale or bought at discount stores (and believe it or not, unless I told you, you'd never know)
10. I never refuse "hand-me-downs", or "seconds," if we can't use them, then I'll give them to someone who can.

Goals for living even more simply:

1. To re-begin my composting endeavors. I was very faithful at this, however, after having baby #2, I found myself each day, waiting for that moment of opportunity to run out to the compost, and it never really came. My house started smelling a little foul from my ever mounting pile of compost on my kitchen counter) Now that baby is a little older, I think this is very do-able.
2. To burn burnable garbage.
3. Once a month grocery shopping.