Mom's Group Update

This mornings Mom's Group went very well. I was tired, and not really looking forward to it, as it seemed like just, "one more thing," lately. However, being there was a blessing to me, as others shared what was on their hearts, and I could see the Lord working.
I think I really needed to see that, and it was an answer to prayer. Sometimes I really don't know what God is doing in people's lives. I am very thankful that I was able to be there today and see little transformations in hearts and minds that reflect the Lord's working.
It's my prayer that a group like this will stay tethered to the Lord, and that He will lead us, and that it would be each mother's hearts desire to be led by Him. It seems like when women get together, so much of what we are is pure, unchecked emotion. I see some of these Mom's beginning to bring Christ into their well of emotions, and I see Him manifesting the fruit of the spirit, and Godly principles that just weren't there before.
I am learning as well that my place is to simple create Godly opportunities for people to act, like facilitating this Mom's Group. If people don't come, if they come and say the wrong things...well, then thats the battle of the Holy Spirit, not mine. (whew, what a relief!)

Acts of Service

Galatians 6:9
And let us not be weary in well doing; for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

Things have been going very well so-far with the Christmas Pageant. All of the planning, coordinating and communicating isn't perfect, but thankfully, I wasn't called to be perfect, just to serve the One who is.

In all the joy of working with the kids, and serving along side other fellow laborers in Christ, I feel a pang, a burden for what I see as the, "elephant in the room." During our rehearsals, there is a group of mom's who sit in the corner of the room and talk, instead of going to the service. For some of them, I understand, they are new and have never been to our church, but are bringing their kids to be a part of the Pageant. For those who are church members, however, I watch them desiring milk, and liking it that way. We are in the midst of such a, "ragamuffin," bunch of people out here. I love them, and their sense of community, but it is that sense of community that comes between them and their relationship with the Lord. Fellowship with believers over fellowship with Christ. Gaining teaching from the lips of trusted man, instead of from the Word of God.

It's not that their making bad choices. But their just not making the best choice. I have whispered several prayers already to the Lord to share with him my burden. I know that is what He would want, rather than me taking my observation and turning it into something fleshly that would produce pride, judgment and callousness.

I remember reading something Oswald Chambers said, it was, "...the job of an evangelist is to create Godly opportunities for others to act." The rest of it is up to the Holy Spirit...not me.

Begining the Holidays...

Today, in celebration of the harvest, my little guy and I made orange Rice Krispy treats together!
They are so easy to make, and he made sure to put lots of green and brown sprinkles all over them too!
We're going to take a batch over for the Mom's Group tomorrow, along with a healthy salad and some focaccio bread I made!
Ever since I figured out how to make focaccio bread with my bread maker, I make it often, especially for potlucks or events. It always gets eaten right up too!
I mix my ingredients in the bread maker on dough cycle and when it's done I take it out and spread it on a pan to rise. I brush it with melted butter and herbs to taste and after about 30 min., I place it in the oven to cook.
It's not too hard, and worth the effort!

I spent some time on the phone today organizing this years children's Christmas Pageant. I have quite a few helping so far. I'm not completely comfortable with organizing events like these, but no one else wanted to either!
I will be spending a lot of time in prayer to be able to be, "filled up," enough to be of use to people.
The best part is working with the kids, the hardest part is, "being in the know," about All the details. My best friend is So Gifted at event planning and organizing...me not so much. Any skills I might have in the area are hard earned, and did not come naturally or easily!
Today I found a volunteer to be in charge of costumes. She is a wiz with the sewing machine, and she's so sweet! Some people are so pleasant to work with!

Anxious About Ministry

Ugh, I'm so tired.

Wednesday nights are a killer for me, and this wednesday especially.
There have been so many things to do lately. For one, trying to catch up on things from being gone for a week, combined with doing the usual routine and schedule. In addition to this, were getting ready to leave again for a family reunion at the end of August!

Of course dh is away right now. We had church this evening. I arrived tired, and I left even more tired. One of my little ones was hyped up from Pee Wee Club and playing with friends, my other baby was crabby.
When we got home, I was dragging to get them in clean diapers, PJ's and off to bed. Then dh came home for a minuet and then left again in the middle of them getting ready for bed. He had to drive the tractor somewhere...I thought that was strange it getting dark out, but I was too tired to say much about it.

It's one of those nights when I feel like I'm spinning my wheels and not really getting anywhere. I'm teaching Patch the Pirate and the numbers are so up and down. The kids act so spoiled sometimes and it gets very discouraging. Sometimes I think it would be better if I just didn't care about it that much, then it wouldn't be such a big deal.

I'm also starting up a Mom's Group and next week is our first meeting. The planning has seemed to go well so far. I guess I'm a little discouraged because one of the moms who I was hoping would be involved told me tonight that for now, she wont be able to. She was the one who's not really a part of the church yet, and who has a lot of friends in the community (she grew up here). So, I was kind of hoping she would want to come.
I don't know, I find myself feeling like I have to "sell" certain ministries sometimes, and I don't like it. I feel like I have to have to have a "three ringed circus" for some people, and thats still not enough to get them to come.
I just remember when God grabbed a hold of my heart, people didn't have to try to "sell" church or Jesus to me, I just wanted to be there because thats where I could learn more about Him.

I think I'm just feeling a little anxious about this Mom's Group. I think I'm afraid it will fail. I also feel very insecure about my ability to lead this group the right way. I'm not really leading, just more facilitating, but even that scares me. I don't want to come across wrong, either too dominating or too passive.

I guess I just have to wait on His perfect timing, and to trust that whoever He wants there, He will bring and whatever He wants to happen will happen...

Pastor's Wife Mussings

We just returned home from our church's Wednesday Family Night.
I am tired, in a good way.
Although, on Wednesdays I sometimes wish there were ten of me.
So many people need to talk to the Pastor's wife with concerns, prayer requests, needed instruction, etc.
I only wish I could address everyone the way they need. It's difficult to know that your not really pleasing anyone when there are so many needs to be met.
At one point today, I think I had three or more people trying to talk to me all at once. On top of this my toddler son is staring at me from across the room, trying to tell me about his Pee Wee Club, my baby girl is saying, "Up, up," from down at my feet, and I'm trying to clean up class after Patch the Pirate Club.
Sometimes, I think to myself, "it's good that your still young, and have the energy for all of this!"
Then I go home and go to bed!

Friendship

I have been praying since we moved here for friends. I felt the sting of lonliness about a month after we moved. The initial excitement of the move and all of the newness of everything was wearing off, and reality began setting in.
I came from a church twice the size of the one were at now, that was full of young families my age, and biggest of all, I wasn't the Pastor's wife there (ahhh, the days of being a regular person!) So, moving here, to a small town, a small church full of those of the sunset age (50+) and being the Pastor's wife... I felt pretty lonely.
God has blessed me with a wonderful husband, who is also my best friend, and a girlfriend who I've grown up since junior high and been best friends with since high school. Between the two of them, I have made it through many of life's trials and tribulations, but I still longed for more like-minded fellowship (outside of church services). Well, God has sent me friends since my praying endeavors began, and it's been in some of the most unusual ways.
I've found friendship in one of the seventy year old church elders! (Go figure!) He has been into our home many times and has had a listening ear to many of my sob stories. There is our church's, "Martha," (doesn't every church have at least one of these ladies?) She has been a friend in more practical ways, rather than emotional; but still don't friends come in all forms, in all seasons and in all different kinds of ways. There's been high school and college youth who I have considered friends. They have sat at my dining room table and just wanted to talk about all of the exciting things that life in that stage brings. I have found friends in my kids group that I teach on Wednesday evening. They are usually the first to give a hug or to make me feel special at an unexpected time. Then their is the young moms like me. I have met with a couple of other moms, and it's always an adventure exchanging stories about the different stages our kids are going through, and the crazy and wonderful lives mothers lead. The other place where I have found unexpected fellowship and friendships is online! I think for Pastor's wives, like me, it's a must. Where else can I go and vent about life in the fishbowl?! No one can understand the challenges of the Pastor's wife until they are there themselves...I admit, I never did!
So, God has answered my sobs and pleas for friends in a variety of ways. Many of these friendships I would have never have dreamed of. However, God's used them all to fill my life with the blessings that only friendship can bring!

Sunday Praises

This month is the first month that our new Nursery Ministry volunteers begin. It was so wonderful to be able to actually be in a church service this morning. It has been 18 mos. since I've heard a message! Afterwards, I felt so renewed and energized, I took lots of notes and sang my heart out (so much my voice was actually tired afterwards!)
After the service was over, and I went to pick my kids up from Nursery, the woman volunteering was smiling, and seemed happy to be able to be of help. I think it really helps having each worker there just once a month. The responsibility gets spread out, so that no one person gets burned out. So, even if it's been crazy, they know that they only have to do it once a month!
I sat in the very front row of church, and loved every minuet of it. I know this probably sounds really vain, but there's not many things that compare to watching my husband preach. To see him doing something that he was born to do, to see him in his element...I think any wife, even those not married to Pastors might be able to relate. Like the Fire Fighters wife, getting to see her husband fight fires, or the Baseball Players wife, seeing her husband play baseball. Of course, I don't think Hollywood will be making any action packed movies about Pastors any time soon. I mean, fighting fires and playing baseball are a little more dangerous and appealing to most people than a Sunday message. However, seeing my husband doing what he loves, and what God destined him to do is a wonderful thing for this wife to watch!

Out of Control

After to me what seemed like a chaotic evening at church, I am really trying to let go of the control I think I have. I know that when I come home as tired and without joy as I am right now, that it's mainly because I try to take the reigns of things. I want to be able to lead my ministries by just being available and being there. I tend to have all of these unrealistic expectations and expect things of myself and others that God doesn't. My fight with God is for control, only there's no real fight because He's obviously the one in charge, not me.
I just long to just be there, and not to stress so much for it makes me so tired and I loose all the blessings.

Nursery Miracle!

I made a Nursery Ministry sign up sheet to get some much needed help in our Nursery. (See previous "Nursery Blues" post). To give an idea, we have Nursery available, Sunday morning, Sunday evening, Wednesday evening, and every other Thursday afternoon. During each of these we have had one worker, and that would be this Pastor's wife.
I've heard that the Pastor's wife is the most unchurched person in the church. This certainly has been true in my case. It had been almost two years since I had attended a service and I could feel burnout coming. I wasn't sure how much longer I could endure.
So I did the only thing I could, and asked for help! So simple, so easy, so obvious...unfortunately, not for this CONTROL FREAK! When I got the sign up sheet back and I saw it filled up with signatures, I was thrilled and I was rebuked. Thrilled because we got enough signatures for a monthly rotation, plus one helper and one substitute! Do you know what else, my name isn't even on the rotation!
I was rebuked because I wonder how God can have so much patience with this child of His? All of my whining, crying and, "poor me," attitude. All of the blessings I missed out on because I thought I was in control. My hope lost, my vision cut off, because it became all about me. But my Lord is gracious to me, even when I forget about His plan and follow mine instead. So, go ahead and call me a, "control freak," please, I've certainly earned it!

Our Small Town Community

Where roads are built along side of rivers. Houses and cars are few and far between. Any car that does pass, gives a wave to say, "hello." Some roads are still made of gravel. Trucks with four wheel drive are a necessity and not a fashion statement (smile). People anticipate and truly enjoy the harvest. At The Store, the cashiers happily hold and bounce your baby, and the bakery workers let your little ones pick out the cookie of their choice. All this, while you pick up some needed groceries and supplies. At The Restaurant, the waitresses not only know your kids, but they remember you when you were a kid, and they know your parents (and sometimes Grandparents, etc.) People have time to stop by and visit over coffee. Barns aren't built alone, but with many hands. Everybody loves and has a dog. Church dress for the men is usually hickory shirts and suspenders. Kids know how to play outside. At church, young and old fellowship together (they're not separated into a million different groups because of their ages). It's still okay not to have a cellphone. Anytime you see somebody blabbing away on one, rushing in and out, you know their from the, "city." The school is still K-12, and in the next town over, is a one room school house. There's a sense of community here, where people actually look at and greet each other, and they know you by name.

Is it a Ministry When...

It's one of those times when I don't know why things happen the way they do. I can't see the full picture, and whatever God is doing is a mystery. I am without an explanation or an answer.
We had a special Ladies Luncheon this afternoon. I am the Nursery worker during our Ladies Group meetings. Today was no exception. I had been told by some other mom's, that they would be attending the Luncheon, and that they would be bringing their children to the nursery. So I was ready. Because the meeting was right in the middle of nap time, the kids took an early nap so that they wouldn't be cranky. I packed a lunch for them to eat away from home. I prepared the Nursery with snacks and supplies, and plans for fun.
But, no one came. We waited for a while, and after about 20 minutes, I was pretty sure that Nursery was just going to be me and my kids...and it was. For two hours, my kids had snacks and played alone.
This thought, that I know is not from God, kept creeping into my mind, "why are we even here? It would be so much easier if we were doing all this at home right now." I know the Lord wants me to be faithful, and a good example to my children. He never did say that it would be easy all the time. But, I came and went from Nursery today without really connecting to anyone else, having no fellowship, and I wasn't even able to be of service to anyone. I left church feeling like my time and my energy were a waste. Usually, I leave Nursery tired, but a good tired. I know that my ministry is valuable, and that it allows other moms to be fed spiritually. It's a good feeling, knowing that what I'm doing makes a difference.
On days like today however, I just don't get much satisfaction at all.

The Nursery Blues

I feel so overwhelmed. Teaching a children’s class at church, seems like it should be just that, but it’s not. Each week, I prepare my lesson and spend time praying for those in my class, and on Wednesday evenings I teach.
I laugh to myself as I think about the first class when I had my fussy baby on my hip and my toddler running around my feet as I tried to “teach” class. It was more like the kids in class watched me running around like a chicken with its head cut off. I tried to juggle both, but it was apparent that it wasn’t working very well. It was a transitional moment.
Before this, I had been the Nursery worker. Then God directed me to teaching a children’s class. It’s been providing other Nursery workers to take my place that has been so difficult. We managed to get three ladies to volunteer, and they were on a rotation. This lasted about a month, when because of one thing or another, we ended up with only one worker left. This person isn’t prepared to work in the Nursery every week, as she is still very young in the Lord, and needs a lot of care and attention.
So, it’s a fragile and exhausting situation, which resulted in me having to cancel today’s class. Which meant calling everyone in the class and explaining in a diplomatic way why were not having it. This is so hard for me to do when I am so burdened, I just wanted to say so much more. I kept hoping, during my phone conversations, that someone would volunteer to help, unfortunately, none did.
At this point, I am wondering what to do. I just don’t know where it all went wrong? I thought God wanted me to teach a children’s class. I’ve ended up however feeling quite overwhelmed at trying to organize a Nursery ministry and teach a children’s class. All it seems to have resulted in at this point is me providing a sort of daycare for infants through 8th grade on Wednesday nights. Whew!

Fellowship With the Believers

Well, another encouraging day at Church! There's nothing quite like hearing the Word and enjoying fellowship with the believers. As a Pastor's wife, I partake in the latter only on Sunday mornings, because of my service in the Nursery during the message. However, the Lord has lifted me up and encouraged me through his saints.
It's not always easy, getting my family out the door for church. Some days, I'd rather not go, sleep late, stay in my bathrobe. Infact, theres no guarentee that things will even go smoothly once we enter the Church doors. For instance, when it came time to leave for home today, my toddler protested so loudly that someone had to close the meeting doors (I guess they thought that would work) during in the middle of a very important Church Business Meeting. Life in the fishbowl, combined with a little one's very loud tantrum...but, God says the right way isn't always the easy way. You see, God has established the Church for believers today. It is where we recieve accountablity, encouragement, and christian fellowship. Many churches are hurting today because of Christian's disobediance. Christians who don't go to church. The local church is a body, and suffers when any part is missing. Now I believe in God's sovereignty, and that He always provides for the need. But, what opportunity and eternal investments Christians are missing out on because of their disobedience. Let me just say, after the bumps in the road, is testimony of His blessings. I love my church!